So as I sit here in a trendy coffee shop in the heart of Pioneer Square, I am bombarded by a myriad of Seattle clichés: Tech-talk, black-rimmed glasses, hiking boots as acceptable work shoes, over-priced coffee, lots of fleece and even a couple flannel shirts, but do those ever go out of style?
Being amongst so much Seattle, I got to thinking about a recent trip to New York City.
Coffee shops are hubs of caffeine and chit-chat. But as I look around, the only folks chatting are those who know each other. I haven't been offered so much as a "Hello," or the famous Seattle look-up, quick change of expression and mouthing, but not actually saying "Hello" as you walk past a stranger.
I was reminded of a term first coined by Seattle P-I columnist Robert Jamison.
"Seattle Nice."
The crux of the term, as I understand it, says that Seattleites, while being very polite at first are pretty cold fish to strangers after an exchange of pleasantries. There's no real effort or inkling to say more than "Hello," to someone you don't know.
I have been guilty of being "Seattle Nice" many times in my life. In my defense, I was born and raised here.
I am perfectly happy to acknowledge the existence of fellow human beings, by nodding towards them, offering a smile and moving right along. The inclination to say hello and actually engage in conversation is about a foreign to me as say, breathing under water. It's just not something I'd ever do or anything I've seen anyone else do.
Which brings me back to New York.
Cold, hard, rude, New York.
My perception of New York, before traveling there a few times, was just what you see on TV: Big lights, lots of "Ay, Yos!" and rude New Yorkers in too much of a rush for anyone but themselves.
By comparison, my liberal all-welcoming enclave of Seattle seemed like just what the Big Apple needed, a healthy dose of Seattle-style Kumbaya.
Boy was I wrong.
As I started interacting with New Yorkers, I realized how superficial Seattleites were and how genuine New Yorkers are.
True enough, it takes a bit of chipping to crack the shell of hardened New Yorkers, and by cracking I mean saying, "Hello, how's it going?" But once that heavy-lifting is done, I found New Yorkers to be welcoming, genuine, curious and most-of-all helpful.
My first cab ride in Manhattan changed my perception of New Yorkers forever. I, unsure of even how-to hail a cab (Seattleites drive themselves everywhere), walk-up to a cabbie and tap on the window. After nearly causing the guy to have a heart attack, he wolfed down his curler and agreed to give me a ride. I then broke the cardinal rule of riding in an NYC cab, I told the guy I was from out-of-town and had no idea where I was going. But to his credit, instead of circling Manhattan and running-up the fare, he assured me my destination wasn't too far away and told me it should only take a few minutes.
Then he did something that surprised me, he asked me what it's like in Seattle. I shared a bit and then he did what I've found to be a common New Yorker trait, he actually engaged in meaningful conversation. I learned about his kids, where he was originally from and how he really wants to visit the West Coast. There was an authentic tone to the conversation that I didn't expect from a stranger, let alone a Lean Mean New York Cabbie.
This type of interaction played itself out many times during my various trips to New York, from people on the subway, to the guy at the corner store to bar owners. I actually came away from my last trip to New York feeling more connected to the neighborhood after 5 days than I do in my Seattle neighborhood after 8 months.
I think there's something to being in such a big place and being so anonymous that people just want to connect with other people. And it's easier to open up if you are never going to see the person again, quite a possibility in New York.
So what's the deal with Seattleites?
We really do keep to ourselves. We don't speak unless spoken to and rarely do more than answer the question once someone else has broken the ice.
Seattleites do have an air of superiority about them. A bit of the "I'm better than you are," can be quite off-putting.
Obviously, we (being Seattle) pretty much have it right. We just can't figure-out why no one else seems to get that.
So what can we do to remedy "Seattle Nice"?
A good first step is to avoid the fear that comes with interacting with someone new. Perhaps it's the gray weather, but Seattleites seem to be scared of strangers. I assure you, fellow Seattleites, the world isn't out to get you. Ted Bundy was an anomaly.
The fear induced in Seattleites by interaction is actually pretty funny, try this sometime to see it for yourself:
- Go to a coffee shop. (There are plenty of options for this in Seattle)
- Walk towards a table that is occupied by one person and make eye contact with the person sitting at the table.
- I bet you'll see a deer-in-the-headlights gaze as the person at the table is mortified by the prospect of having their personal bubble invaded.
We have a different perception of co-existing out here. I realized that my personal bubble was much bigger than the average New Yorkers and that doesn't aid in meeting new folks.
You'll have to get out of your comfort zone a bit. Think about it, if someone is sitting alone in a coffee shop, they probably wouldn't mind some company. By invading someone else's bubble and shrinking yours, you just may find life a little more interesting. By genuinely interacting with other people you gain experience, a couple good stories and maybe a new acquaintance.
And really, how bad can that be?
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