So here I am on the train. Headed to Portland.
Some would call it Seattle’s sister city…
I am not one of those people.
Sure, it rains a lot in Portland. And sure, it’s not unheard of to see Birkenstocks and socks or parkas and cargo shorts.
It, like Seattle, is a bastion of Blue in an otherwise Red state.
But outward appearances aside, there are some pretty big differences between the towns.
I haven’t quite put my finger on it, but something is just a bit off in the Rose City.
I was recently counting the few perks Portland has going for it with a buddy who now lives down there. (Listed in order of importance, #1 being the most important.)
1) Bars. Portland is a drinking man’s town. I love the place. My Portland buddy calls it Disneyland for adults, due to its multiple and plentiful watering holes. And for those who still kill themselves, Oregon is NOT smoke-free.
2) Wings. Fire on the Mountain. If you’ve never been to this seemingly hole-in-the-wall joint in No. Po., you are missing out. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 sauces and DEEP-FRIED TWINKIES. (I couldn’t finish the twinkie, though I really wanted to.)
3) Strip Clubs. Somewhere I heard that Portland has the most strip clubs per capita than any where else in the country. And Washingtonians, you can drink in them! I will say most are pretty seedy, but then again they are freaking Strip Clubs. What else would you expect them to be?! One other note, you can order food in them, which is one of the things I find to be a little off about the town. I must admit, I was intrigued by the phenomena on previous trips to Portland. And only recently crossed the streams. And I gotta admit, for something that sounds so good on paper, steak and titties just ain’t right. Maybe it’s just me, but if I want a cheeseburger I want a cheeseburger. I can’t be distracted by naked women prancing around. But on the flip side, if there are naked women prancing around, the cheeseburger can damn-hell-ass wait until later. It’s quite the conundrum.
4) No Tax. This was so cool when I was a youngster. I remember taking weekend trips to Portland to do school shopping or to buy my Sega Gamegear (yes, people bought those things…though it seems like I was the only one who did). It made for some fun trips, but once gas is factored in, not so much on the actual savings.
5) Public Transit. Portland does have a better transit and existing light rail/street car lines. Both of which I have used, find pretty simple and don’t break down. Seattle is way behind the 8-ball on that one.
So there, Portland does have some cool qualities to it.
Though you’d have to be in your mid-20’s or at least act like you are still in your mid-20’s (most Portlanders) to find these reasons valid.
“Portland is a land where people move to become jackasses,” a quote from my recent Portland-transplant buddy.
And I agree.
That is where my problem lies with Portland, a smugness/air of superiority that looms over the city like a big wet blanket. A staunch refusal to admit, that maybe, just maybe, Portland isn’t the best place on Earth.
The war? That’s G.W.’s fault. Portland knew better.
The environment? We watched Al Gore’s movie on TV's powered by wind, drive hybrids and ride bikes…We aren’t the problem.
Music? “Oh, you’ve heard of them? We saw them play here in Portland like three years ago.”
You get the idea.
It’s like all of the kids who wanted to be cool in high school, but couldn’t quite make it happen, somehow found each other and started a town. (I am willing to bet that the average Portlander hated high school for just that reason, “Everyone was so uncool.”)
There is a holier-than-thou aspect to the average Portlander that just grinds my gears. I could go on for awhile, but I figure you have work to do so I’ll cut it short.
However, if you like beer, enjoy naked ladies, want some tasty wings, hate paying taxes and were cooler than everyone else at your High School, (but they just didn’t know it) head on down to Portland.
Oh yeah, you better like PBR, black-rimmed glasses and Democrats as well…
Portland is pretty open-minded, as long as you agree with everyone else.
5 comments:
Quite the interesting take on Portland, and I've heard it a lot from people who come to visit and get the tour de town.
It seems to me that a lot of this cities merit and demise comes from the concept of progressive thinking. Parting from the status quo also means resistance in all forms of change, both in divergence from current practices and new, conceptual ideals. I think people see it as a crazy place where hippies come and live their hippie lifestyle.
I think Portland is a place where you will find many people living (hate to use the word) alternative lifestyles. And while alternative lifestyle may mean different things to some, to me it means a lifestyle more suited to your beliefs and enjoyment which no one should fault. I've met some people here who definitely do not meet the accepted definition of what someone in that age/class/whatever that lives their lives in perhaps a happier, more impacting fashion than many others I have met.
For that, I have no right, or frankly merit to dissuade these practices.
The answer to those questions? Yeah, Portland did ride bikes and have Hybrids before most of the rest of the country. There are excellent environmental practices that, should the rest of the world employ, would undoubtedly create a world naturally better for future generations. By its very nature, Portland remains a music and art hub for creative thought.
The problem lies in the fact that it’s a double edged sword. By rejecting traditional methods of doing things, you’re resigning yourself to the idea that others don’t do this because they’re too stupid or lazy to come up with a better way.
This is self defeating, because in order to revolutionize society, you need to understand and empathize with the rest of the world. No one wants to see the barren wasteland of the world passed on to future generations. No one wants artistic stagnation. No one wants to see the world consumed in war. In order to create true social change, you need to understand the motivations of people’s actions and design a system around it.
The idea of Portland being the place where the kids who weren’t cool in high school go to is (in the Homeristic artistic style) right to a point. It’s a place where people with non-traditional views on how to live life can flourish as long as they adhere to a certain lifestyle. Remember though, it’s the non-cool kids that become the Einstein’s, the Gates’, the Nobel Prize winner’s. If this is truly a city of revolutionary creative thought, then hopefully those interested will learn to embrace different outlooks and revolutionize with these in mind. And hopefully the rest of the world will look to Portland as a place of new ideas and new ways to do things.
There’s a bumper sticker here that says Keep Portland Weird. We revel in our diverse lifestyles. If we can lead by example to those with different viewpoints rather than rejecting it, we can be the instrument of change for what we want the world to be.
Damn, Money. That was some hippie ass bullshit. There's a bumper sticker that says "for every animal you don't eat, I'm gonna eat three". Think about it.
My above comment doesn't apply to Ler. Aint no gettin through to that boy.
Awww...sounds like somebody is jealous. Look man, Seattle is OK.
I think your perception that Portlander's think they are better than everyone else is perhaps you reading more into it than is there. Sure, we think we do a lot of things better than other cities. But that is because we actually do a lot of things better than other cities.:) For example, I can go months at at time without having to drive thanks to our Transit system. I would have a much harder time pulling that off in many cities. But not all. Still, it is definitely not the most perfect place to live. Though I have spent time on both coasts, the south, the midwest. And I personally prefer Portland by a large margin. Living here, one gets the impression that many Portlanders, though certainly not all, actually give a shit about things other than themselves. You know, like the air we breathe and the water we drink.
To me, that makes a big difference in quality of life, in addition to the fine points you already mentioned about PDX.
Its OK if you don't like Portland because its not mainstream enough, or conventional enough, or predictable enough. Just be honest about it. Don't blame it on some claimed smugness of the inhabitants. I have only seen Portlanders be open and friendly to you any time you have been here. Well, except for me.
Seattle is safe and plain and everyone looks like they shop out of the same Eddie Bauer catalog from 1995. That is totally OK with me. I do however have a beef with too many people who drive any distance greater than 2 blocks. Thats my air too assholes.:)
Anyway, it was great to have you down visiting. Come back anytime! In the meantime, I will shower you with smugness from afar.
Sometimes it takes an over-the-top perspective to get good dialogue going.
Do I honestly think that every Portlander is a jackass? No.
Am I basing my perception on the limited (mostly young, bar-hopping crowd that would embarrass any city) that I have met on my few trips to Portland? Yes.
Would I say that is a fair representation of Portland? No.
So to clarify, I am not saying that Seattle has it “right” or is any better than Portland. I could write a counter-point Seattle-based rant that would put this Portland one to shame. (In fact, I have already blasted Seattle a few times in my lil corner of cyberspace…and will continue to do so.)
Sadly, the best way I’ve found to start a dialogue is to call-out folks on their views. If you do this nicely and quietly, no one grows, as there is no self-examination. By ruffling feathers, you get people out of their comfort zones and move away from canned responses as they actually begin thinking about why they hold their beliefs and what their beliefs mean to other people.
To say that Portland is a place where people actually care about other people is just wrong. The insinuation that Portland is the world’s last bastion of compassion is just the “smugness” that I am talking about.
Portland is doing something right with public transit…but would a Portlander give props to New York City? Given that New York’s MTA is a far bigger, more efficient mass transit system? Hell no. Because for such a “Globally Thinking” city, the town is very Portland-centric.
I appreciate free thinking and trying the make the world a better place. Free thinking has made the world a better place. Without counter-culture the world would be a boring place. I love that there are places like Portland where folks can gather and “save the world.”
I just want to make sure that the “free thinking” that takes place in Portland involves some introspection.
And accountability…
There seemed to be quite a few cars on the road, recyclables in the trash cans and homeless people rummaging through that trash for Portland to proclaim itself, Utopia.
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